The Life-Changing Magic of Giving Up
As I mentioned before in my post about quitting minimalism, I grew up with a mom that would relentlessly clean out.
And now, with four kids of my own, I get it.
I often think that if we didn’t have so much stuff, it would be much easier to keep the house clean and perfect.
But I don’t think that getting rid of everything extra is the solution.
My job as a parent isn’t to pare down our belongings until it’s possible to keep all four of our shirts put away.
My job is to teach my kids to put away their own shirts regardless of how many there are.
But with kids ages 2 – 9, that isn’t actually an easy thing to do. So, for years, I’ve struggled with laundry.
I’m great at washing and drying the clothes, but I stink at folding and putting away the clothes. It seems like such an exercise in futility. I’m supposed to empty a basket of laundry to fold the clothes and deliver them to one of four bedrooms to put them in one of six drawers?!?!
It’s exhausting.
So more often than not, we have had baskets of clean clothes lined up on the hearth of our fireplace. I’d learned to not let housekeeping steal my joy, but it still bothered me to see those baskets there.
One day while talking whining to my husband, I said, “I just wish we had open shelves and each kid had like six baskets to put their clothes it.”
His reply was simply, “Okay. Let’s do that.”
And this may sound silly to y’all, but actually selling the dressers to get baskets and shelves hadn’t occurred to me.
Because everyone has dressers.
You don’t just sell all your dressers.
But that’s just what we did.
We sold all of our dressers.
I listed them on Craigslist and the Facebook Marketplace and they were gone in a few days. It wasn’t a big deal since that’s where most of them came from anyways.
Then the real fun began.
I ordered 2 large metal shelves – one for the boys and one for the girls.
And then I ordered each kid six large fabric baskets. We chose these because they are light weight, they’re lined in case something gets spilled in them, they have two handles, and they came in four different colors.
So basically, each kid has a basket for pajamas, undergarments, pants, shorts, short sleeved shirts, and long sleeved shirts.
And here’s where the real magic happens:
When it’s time to fold and put away laundry, I designate a spot on the couch for each kid’s clothes. I take the clean laundry out of the basket and throw it in one of four piles. Each of the three older kids takes their own clothes and puts them in the right basket.
No, they’re not folded.
So sometimes the kids look a little rumpled in the mornings. But honestly, they’d look a little rumpled in the mornings even if they were wearing tuxedos. We aren’t morning people and we look rumpled in the morning.
Yes, sometimes the three-year-old puts her clothes in the wrong baskets.
But she did it herself!
And it’s not that hard to see that there’s a t-shirt in the pants basket and switch it. In fact, she often notices the mistake later and corrects it herself.
And that’s the thing, friends.
My three-year-old is learning to take responsibility for caring for herself.
That’s literally one of the main points of parenting.
And as much as I loved opening their dressers and seeing all their shirts folded KonMarie style, it was stressing me out.
They couldn’t fold their own clothes or put them away because they had to be done just right to be able to fit in the drawers.
They looked amazing when I was finished, but it was all on me to finish.
I’ve got enough on me.
And don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
I got a lot out of it.
When going through our stuff, I frequently ask myself, “Does this bring me joy?” And if the answer is no, I pass it along with zero guilt.
Which is huge because I am the queen of feeling guilty.
And I’m not saying that you have to stop folding clothes.
If folding laundry is soothing to you, keep it up.
My friend, Claire, loves folding laundry because she folds it while watching Netflix after her kids are in bed. She says it’s her time to relax without feeling guilty because she’s still being productive. I love that!
The point is this – make deliberate parenting decisions.
Don’t be shackled to conventional solutions for your problems.
Who cares if people have been storing their clothes in neatly folded bundles inside of dressers for hundreds of years?
For our family, that wasn’t the best solution for our laundry situation.
Commit to training your kids to be awesome adults. That takes an immense amount of forethought and effort, but it’s the whole point of parenting.
Dedicate the time and energy to make sure you are being intentional with the limited time you have with them. Model clear priorities for them.
Want to make your marriage a priority? Model that. Go on dates when you’re tired and just want to put on your sweatpants.
Want to make hospitality a priority?
Model that.
Have people over even if the house isn’t perfect.
If you find yourself looking around wondering how your life so busy or crazy or whatever, stop and re-evaluate.
If something you are doing isn’t working well, change it.
If your efforts don’t align with your priorities, refocus your efforts. Don’t abandon your priorities.
Who cares if everyone else keeps their clothes in drawers?
We keep ours in baskets on metal shelves and it works great for our family.
What creative solutions has your family found for your unique situation?? Tell us in the comments!
This is great, I’m actually quite good at giving up but not everyone is and its a great think to be aware of!
Thanks Estefania!
Thanks for your post and your authenticity! I love how say you don’t try and follow conventional solutions if they aren’t working for your family and how you are raising your kids to take responsibility! One area where we have given more responsibility to our kids is making their own lunches for school. Sometimes they just throw in lunch meat and cheese, among other things, and there is no perfectly made sandwich, but they take pride in their work and I think appreciate their lunch more. 😉
I love that!! I always worried to let mine make their own lunch because I’m afraid they’ll end up hungry! 😬 but you’re absolutely right. They may be a little hungry one day, but I bet they’ll do better the next! Thanks for the encouragement. And great job on giving more responsibility. 😁
What a wonderful idea! I only have one son and he does his own laundry but I can see the draw for larger families. Love all your book recommendations, I will have to look into a few of them 🙂
Thanks Sarah! I;m excited about the day my kids can do their own laundry! Let me know what you think about the books. 🙂
Great post. Its so hard to let the little things go!!!
This was a great read. I do anything to make life more simple. My sister has 4 boys and 1 girl and she did something very simular to you with her laundry as the boys could all share clothes – its was very simular to the Duggar 1 wardrobe, but no folding just a room with baskets. YOU need to do what you have to do to get by life !
Thanks! If I could design my own home, I think I would have a clothes storage/dressing room. I would just have spaces for clothes storage for every single person in our family and a couple of stalls with a full length mirror to get dressed. It would be pretty different from the way we do it now, but I think I’d like it a whole lot better!
thank you! yes everyone has dresser but should you? We live in a 1000 sq ft townhome. at first it was all we could find but now.. we own 4 dirt bikes and plan to travel. Why have big house when you have the big outdoors? Keep up the good work changing the system to fit you! (for years I did not match socks- waste of my time- a purple sock in a boot does the same job as yellow sock in a boot!)
I’ve often wondered if we’d be happier in a smaller home. I think we’d be forced to pare down our items and really consider what things bring us joy. I know we’d have to spend more time outside and that would definitely be good for us! My husband actually enjoys matching socks which is so weird to me, so ours are matched most of the time. But my two older kids think its cool to have the mismatched on purpose! What an exciting time in life for you. I’m pretty sure I’d break something if I tried to ride a dirt bike. 🙂
It’s hard to let go.My grown son tells me I “hoard” their baby stuff.
I can only imagine Felicia! My last baby is wearing a 2t now so I was cleaning out the baby clothes. It was so hard getting rid of some of them!