Why I Quit Trying to be a Minimalist
I love the idea of minimalism.
I love the magazine and Pinterest pictures of clean homes that are completely clutter-free and only have four deliberately placed decorations.
And for years I’ve strived for this.
I’ve purged toys and books and clothes. I’ve held serving platters and asked, “Does this bring me joy?”
I’ve donated bags and boxes to the Salvation Army and sold unnecessary belongings on eBay.
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I’ve felt guilty every time I’ve opened a bedroom door to find it overflowing with toys and detritus that show we have four children living here.
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And today as I began cleaning out my daughters’ room for the millionth time, the girls just stood in the corner and watched me.
They didn’t bother to beg to keep their stuff or try to negotiate the purging of a different toy instead of the one I was holding.
And their silence broke my heart.
I suddenly remembered being seven years old and watching my Barbie Dream House being sold at a garage sale.
I loved the Barbie Dream House and played with it often, but my mom needed cash and clutter stressed her out, so she sold it. The selling of my toys happened often so I just stood there silently because I knew that there was nothing I could do to change her mind.
When I remembered my seven-year-old silence, I stopped cleaning out the girls’ room. I put the bag down and gave up on reaching a “manageable level” of stuff.
Maybe forever.
My oldest daughter turned nine yesterday which means that my time with her in my house as my little girl is halfway over.
Sure, she could live at home while she goes to college or move back in after she graduates from college, but that time doesn’t really count the same way.
She’ll be an adult then.
And considering how quickly the last nine years have flown by, I’m pretty sure the next nine will go by just as quickly.
I know that all parents say that, but it’s so true.
And if she loves the line of 100 bracelets that she looped together so she can pretend it’s her hair and she’s Rapunzel, then she should get to keep that.
And her owl collection (she’s up to 17 now!).
And her tubs of arts and craft supplies.
And all 639 pieces of her bracelet making kit.
Because soon enough I won’t have to convince her to get rid of any of that stuff.
She’ll be a teenager, and she won’t want to make bracelets or refrigerator art or craft projects. She probably won’t even want to collect stuffed owls anymore.
As a parent, my priority is my children not my own obsessive need to feel in control of my life by cleaning stuff out.
Because that’s what it is. I want to express control over my life by cleaning out.
But here’s the thing – I’m not in control of my life.
God has a plan for me that no amount of decluttering will ever change.
But I know that my children will remember that I constantly threw away their toys because I remember that experience from my childhood.
And I remember how it made me feel like my thoughts and desires were completely unimportant.
I’m not saying that my kids should be the center of my world.
They are third in my life.
God is first and their dad is second. (There’s no way I can be the best mom to them if I’m not taking the time to be a great wife to their dad.)
But they have to know that they are more important than stuff.
And sure, there’s tons of evidence that kids with fewer toys are more creative, resilient, and can see through walls (okay, maybe not that last part).
But I know that for me the decluttering has never been about building their character.
It’s always been about my need to feel in control of my life.
Maybe someday I’ll be able to find my peace and calm from my daily devotional time, and I’ll be able to approach the decluttering of my kid’s stuff from a purely normal place.
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But for now, I’m going to leave the piles of toys and let them play. Most of their toys aren’t electronics so their toys are mostly used as props for all of their pretend adventures.
I’m going to pray for God to help me to let go of control and to help my kids know him more. We are going to focus on memorizing scripture, serving others, and striving to live like Christ.
And I’m going to order some cute bins from Amazon to put all their stuff in.
Because someday I’ll have a nice, silent, toy-free house, and I’ll miss all of those creepy, stuffed owls.
At least that’s what all the old ladies who stop me in Walmart keep telling me.
Is it time for you to quit trying to be a minimalist? How do you deal with toy clutter in your house? Tell us in the comments!
WANT TO REMEMBER THIS LATER? PIN WHY I QUIT TRYING TO BE A MINIMALIST TO YOUR FAVORITE PINTEREST BOARD!
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I loved this post! I have one of those memories too. Mine was a stuffed bear that held a picture of my DOG in a little heart frame! How could my mom have been so cruel! LOL. I actually snuck back in later and got that bear out of the giveaway bag but man do I remember dreading that decluttering! 🙂
I still have that picture of my dog (minus the bear) on my refrigerator and even as an adult, I think of that day every now and then when I see the picture! It’s so ugly because I tried to cut it into a heart shape and failed miserably but I don’t care, it’s a memory! It was also like the one time that I deliberately disobeyed my mom!
Sadly your story also reminded me that I did the same thing to my own kids! I’m glad you realized when you did, decluttering my kids rooms has gotten easier over the years too, I let them make more of the decisions than I did when they were younger. I just try to get through it quickly and if they say “keep”, I just think about that bear and say, “Maybe next time!” 🙂
Thanks Emily! I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one traumatized as a child by an intense decluttering session! ?
I’m glad to hear that cleaning out gets easier as kids get older.
Great post! I have gone back and forth with decluttering not only my daughter’s things but mine as well. I know I have a hoarding problem when it comes to art and yarn supplies and my daughter has adopted that with her 100+ stuffed animals. Sometimes I will have her purge her own toys like the McDonalds toys and other things that she knows she doesn’t play with. If they are in good condition then I will list them for her on our local Facebook yardsale groups and then she can make a couple of dollars to either save or spend. I just need to find a better way to organize the clutter we do keep.
I love the idea of letting your kids keep the profits from selling their stuff! I bet that makes it a lot easier to help them let go!
I have never really thought of it that way, I am always purging through my kids toys without a thought about it. It kind of breaks my heart to think about now.
It’s just stuff, I would rather them happy and have fond memories, than have an organized home.
What a good read! Thank you
I’ve always had the mentality that I was doing a good thing for my family by keeping our house clutter free. God really convicted me about my heart in cleaning out stuff. So I’m really trying let go of my desire to clean out and focus on my heart. The struggle is real.
The struggle is REAL! I am constantly decluttering, but you are right. You’re only a kid once.
I still fully plan to get rid of the broken toys so hopefully that will be enough to keep us from being on an episode of Hoarders!
Such a great article! Take time to read….
Thanks Dawn!
Great post! Kids are messy and we shouldn’t necessarily force them to part with that aspect of childhood simply because we want to find calm and control. Truly Jesus is the only source of that, not clear counters or empty closets! Blessings!
Thanks Liz! I think I’ll always dream of clear counters and empty closets, but I am working diligently to turn to Jesus first when I feel stressed and overwhelmed. 🙂
I am going through the exact same thing! Thank you for voicing my thoughts – I too am questioning minimalism. It holds out such great promises for moms of little kids that fall so short of what Jesus offers. Thanks for writing!
I love the idea of minimalism! Moving forward, we are going to focus on not bringing in more toys. But I am going to try to quit removing the toys that truly bring them joy – no matter how annoying I find them! 🙂
I can relate in many ways. I tried living the minimalist life but found it doesn’t suit my family. Clutter stresses me out so we purge once a week and thankfully, my children are pretty easygoing and don’t mind telling me what they no longer want to keep. I have also learned that I also have an issue getting rid of things. The book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” had helped me so much over the past few months!
I loved that book too! It helped me tremendously in going through my own stuff. But as soon as I start asking my kids, “does this bring you joy?” Every toy gets a “YES!!!!” ?
I love this idea and this perspective! I read this just as I was about to clean out my son’s room! Thank you for reminding me that his toys and clutter are not the end of the world and his happiness is more important than cleanliness and organization.
Thanks Vanessa! I’m working on finding a balance where they can have all their toys AND our house is semi clean. ?
This post is so insightful. I tend to be an uber de-clutterer so you offered a New perspective. I am a mom of 6 with only two left in the nest; I get the whole idea of those precious but fleeting moments with our children.
Thanks Denise! When I get stressed, I start cleaning out! I’m working to find my peace in Jesus, but man I love an organized closet!
Oh my goodness – I love this post. It’s so true. What a great perspective!
Thank you! I am still struggling with leaving the clutter that brings them joy, but I think I’m getting better at it each day.
I totally understand this transition inside of yourself. For the last 3 1/2 years my family of 9 (7 children 12 and under) have been living in a travel trailer in the midst of a career transition and my husband’s full-time student status. What is definitely presented as the “golden life” has been a VERY difficult ride for us. I cannot say it’s been ALL bad, but it’s definitely been eye opening. I’ve learned a lot of excellent things in the midst of this season, so I am thankful of having had the opportunity, but goodness gracious I am eager to get back into a house again and have some more space! Even prior to moving into the trailer though, I was working on simplifying our possessions. I think at this point that’s the best word for my goals: simple. Not minimalistic, because, let’s be honest, how minimalistic can you get with 7 kids?! But, just, simple. It’s been a great work in progress, and one I’m SO happy to have gotten to this point in the journey. Finding that middle ground in the ideas is always best. I’m glad you’ve found a re-balancing for your family, too! =0)
Wow! What an adventure! You are an awesome woman to have seven children AND live in a travel trailer! And you’re absolutely right – simple is the goal. Honestly simplifying is a goal for all aspects of my life, not just my kid’s stuff. I love your honest perspective on this, and I will pray for y’all as you continue in this challenging season of life. How much longer until your husband is finished with school?
I generally let my kids (1&4) de-clutter their own stuff and I just try to model not being attached to stuff but rather people. My 4yr old rocks at giving unused toys to donation. She is also responsible for keeping the toy room clean and my 1yr old can make a huge mess if he has access to too much. So she is learning the joy of a few special things rather than buckets of toys. The hardest part is we have so much family who love us amd they are way to generous but my MIL finally admitted that my kiddos seem happier with less toys so maybe the truck loads will stop coming
That’s awesome that your 1 year old can do that! We try to emphasize relationships and experiences over stuff as well. But it seems like the toys they really treasure are the ones that have 6,000 pieces! 😂 And I totally agree about family getting on board. If ours would, decluttering would be much easier!
At the age of 41, I have been drawn to the minimalist lifestyle after being a pack rat all my life. The irony is that my 5 year old is a pack rat, wanting to keep everything, including cardboard boxes. Seriously. I have found that doing a sweep of his room on a regular basis when he is not home is the way to do it. All I get rid of is trash and things I have not seen him play with in a very long time. I will not get rid of anything he loves, minus the trash, of course.
My mom had my Barbie house sitting in the trash on the curb when I returned home from school. I cried…
My oldest daughter sounds like your son! She keeps things that are “special” to her, but sometimes it’s like a napkin from Burger King because she had fun that day! We decorated some plain brown photo boxes from hobby lobby and now my oldest two have a place to keep those special things. 😊
I think it really comes down to balance. You don’t have to own only 10 items to be a minimalist. I go through my kids toys. If it is something they actually play with, it stays. If they haven’t played with it in weeks/months or it only gets a couple of minutes of play time every few weeks, then it goes. I don’t go through there things with them present either, bc then that toy “becomes their favorite” in the moment. We still have a lot of toys, but they get played with and compared to many, many people I know, we have “very little.”
I totally agree, Allyson. I’m working on finding the right balance for our family. With four kids, the toys take over very quickly! I’m also working on finding a balance within me so that I don’t declutter the house when I really need to work on my heart. ❤️
Oh my goodness, I love this more than I can say. I have five kids. And we are in the process of moving. I admit I’ve gone a little crazy trying to get rid of stuff in the process, and reading your article totally hit home for me. So I’m going to chill. And throw all those stuffed animals in a box, and smile as I tape it up. Thank you for the perspective. From one mom to another 🙂
Thanks Meg! Good luck on the move. We are getting ready to do the same and I’m totally dreading the packing. 😬
Good luck on chilling. I’m not naturally good at it, so I really have to make an effort. Let me know how it goes! And send me all your packing tips as well!
Thank you!!! I think minimalist approach was a great journey for my family of 5 in the 12 months we did it. I learned so much. I definitely enjoyed less to clean up and organize. But it didn’t bring as much joy as I thought it would. In the end, we did keep toys to minimum. One per birthday and 3 for Christmas. Focus on Where or What we do as a family. Like trip to zoo or Disney on ice instead of material things. Everything else we brought back :). More books than I can count, more dishes in cupboard than needed, more than 10 outfits per person, etc. I loved my stock pile of clothes for kids to grow into some day! I decided a strict but fun teamwork after dinner routine was better. Can you dance as you hand wash dishes- yes! Can you race to pick up room in 20min or have (kids:no!!!) earlier bedtime? Help mom do this HUGE task that would take FOREVER or no treat. Things like that.
Find a balance!🤗 Enjoy the childhood mess and those precious time with them. Real life= real (messy ish) home.
I love this! It’s great hearing about a real life experiment to see if minimalism is a good fit for your family. Try it, and if it doesn’t work, figure out what does! Great ideas about teamwork. Strict and fun can go together! 😍😁🎉
I’m so thankful I found your site. Being a mom who works out of the home, I can’t tell you how often I get overwhelmed and stressed about trying to keep my home organized and tidy. I usually end up having a meltdown of some sort and then feel guilty about it later. My kids are 8 & 10 and have always played with toys all over the house. I too am realizing that there’s only a few more years of that and this makes me so sad. Reading your take on purging their toys really hit home because while their rooms are full of stuff, every little thing holds a place in their heart and is a treasure to them. Who am I to take that away from them just because I strive for a “Pinterest worthy home”? Thank you for that much needed reminder. God Bless ❤️